{"id":224,"date":"2024-11-08T15:20:13","date_gmt":"2024-11-08T15:20:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/?p=224"},"modified":"2024-11-08T15:20:13","modified_gmt":"2024-11-08T15:20:13","slug":"wrestling-with-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/08\/wrestling-with-god\/","title":{"rendered":"Wrestling With God"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

For the second time this year, I\u2019ve gone more than a month without posting a new blog entry. I’d like to tell you that my silence is because I’ve been busy finishing my next book<\/a>. That is partly true. I\u2019ve exceeded my original 40,000-word target. I’ve even added its projected release to the book page<\/a> on my website and started recruiting beta readers at local events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So there are definite signs of forward progress. Yet, I still have almost 7500 words to go before I mark the first draft complete (the book grew during drafting).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Image Credit Patrick Tomasso via Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Most of this growth comes from the track<\/a> that tells Angela’s and my story. I simply didn’t expect to have so much to write (though some will get trimmed in revision). I also didn’t expect to remember so many details along the way. But the details were relevant\u2014and often fun\u2014to recall \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 until I reached the final length of that track, detailing the final season of Angela’s life. From there, I jumped to the final track, which begins with the details of Angela’s last day<\/strong> in this life. These memories are much more difficult to write about. Not just because of the pain, but because this transition brings into focus what writing<\/em> this book means for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This book is where my past meets my future.<\/strong> We all have transitional seasons and events in our lives, and they are often filled with struggles. This is the toughest such season I\u2019ve faced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I\u2019ve been spending time with one of the best-known personal transition moments in the Bible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob’s Back Story<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Before we jump into the action, let\u2019s recap Jacob’s story thus far. For the sake of brevity, I\u2019ll leave out the details. If you would like to read them yourself, Jacob\u2019s story begins in Genesis 25, and we\u2019ll pick up in a moment with the events of chapter 32.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob was the younger twin brother of Esau. Esau, as the firstborn, was the presumed heir to Isaac, which included not only Isaac’s estate but God’s covenant promise to Isaac’s father, Abraham.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob (with help from his mother) devised a plan to extort Esau of his birthright (inheritance). After this, Jacob deceived his father into giving Jacob his blessing in place of Esau.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob fled and took refuge among his mother’s family. His uncle Laban’s daughter, Rachel, caught his eye, and Jacob worked for Laban for seven years in exchange for his daughter’s hand in marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the wedding day arrived, Laban arranged for his oldest daughter, Leah, to marry Jacob\u2014but Jacob had his heart set on Rachel.  Laban agreed to allow Jacob to marry Rachel as well\u2014in exchange for another seven years of labor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the years that followed, Jacob managed Laban’s flocks. Through selective breeding, he successfully grew himself a sizeable flock that eventually eclipsed Laban’s, much to Laban’s dismay. At this point, Jacob fled from Laban.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Image Credit Sandra-Beatrice Molnar via Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Once again, Jacob was on the run, this time preparing for a reunion with the older brother he hadn’t seen in over twenty years. During Jacob’s flight, Laban caught up to him, but not with retribution in mind. He wanted to send his daughters and grandchildren (and yes, his son-in-law) off with a proper farewell and blessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where the Future Confronts the Past<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jacob carried on, sending messengers and gifts ahead to Esau. He hoped doing so would assuage his brother’s anger and win his favor. Jacob feared he wouldn’t be as fortunate when confronting Esau as he was with Laban.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then things really got interesting:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob\u2019s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, \u201cLet me go, for it is daybreak.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Jacob replied, \u201cI will not let you go unless you bless me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The man asked him, \u201cWhat is your name?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJacob,\u201d he answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then the man said, \u201cYour name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob said, \u201cPlease tell me your name.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But he replied, \u201cWhy do you ask my name?\u201d Then he blessed him there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, \u201cIt is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. – Genesis 32:24-31 (NIV)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever confrontation Jacob was expecting, it wasn’t this one. We don’t know where this mystery opponent came from, and we don’t have a play-by-play account of their marathon wrestling match. But we do know that this was the Lord himself<\/em> intervening for Jacob<\/strong> at just the right time in just the right way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Post-Match Analysis<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jacob’s encounter with God reveals some important truths about our own struggles and the way God shows up in the midst of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God Meets Us Where We Are<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps this is the single most important thing for us to understand from Jacob’s story. God showed up.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He didn’t wait for Jacob to make amends with his brother (which he did shortly afterward). Nor did He let Jacob work out his fear and worry on his own until he finally arrived at an \u201caha\u201d moment. No, God stepped into Jacob\u2019s mental and emotional upheaval and met him there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I write about my thirteen years of marriage, I question if we accomplished all that God had set out for us to do. I wonder how much I’m getting right in this <\/em>season<\/strong>. And I look with at least some degree of worry to an uncertain future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wrestle with these thoughts, and God wrestles with me,<\/em><\/strong> because He has chosen to be present with me\u2014and for me\u2014in this season.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wrestling Requires Proximity<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Wrestling is the ultimate contact sport. It is impossible to wrestle someone from a distance, or even at arm\u2019s length. You have to get as close as possible to wrestle properly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What image does this bring to mind? Do you envision a musclebound monster bear-hugging the breath out of a hapless opponent? Or do you picture a father tumbling around on the living room carpet with his children<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
Image Credit Kindel Media via Pexels<\/a><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In that latter scenario, Dad is acting out of affection, not malice or even competitiveness. The children know this, and even as Dad uses his unmatched power to shrug them off, they jump right back in for another tumble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The kids might be a little tired when they’ve finally had enough (which was Dad’s plan all along). Then, they get to sit down and enjoy some rest\u2014curled up snug against Dad on the couch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On those days when a tough slog of writing beats me up or a painful memory reopens a wound, I know I can struggle with these things and God is not aloof on the couch, but down on the carpet with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even better, I know that after the struggle I can collapse against Him for a bit of rest. Because that is who He is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God Brings Mercy \u2026<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In amateur wrestling, everyone competes in a designated weight class. This way, the matches can be a true contest of skill, without one contestant having a size advantage over another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who among us is in God’s “weight class?” He is infinite and we are not. You and I are going to be outmatched every time. Just like Jacob.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, verse 25 tells us “the man [God] saw that he could not overpower him [Jacob].”<\/em> Surely, God, who created and sustains all things, can<\/em> overpower Jacob.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why didn’t He?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because God is not there to win.<\/strong> He is already the forever and eternal winner and can never be anything less. Instead, He wrestles with us to lead us to victory<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He spent the whole night wrestling with Jacob\u2014to a draw. As I picture this match, I envision Jacob going all-in on the offensive. Trying every hold, throw, and maneuver he can think of. Meanwhile, God casually does just enough to foil Jacob’s attack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do I picture the match like this? Because that’s how my wrestling matches with God play out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I come to God with confusion, anger, pain, worry, and questions\u2014so many questions. And He sits there and takes it. He absorbs every bit of it. And He still stands, steadfast and strong as ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 but Mercy Sometimes Looks Strange<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Verse 25 continues, telling us that God “touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One move\u2014one touch\u2014was all it took God to end the match. This, despite the injury to Jacob, was an act of mercy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob had been energized by fear, anxiety, and perhaps guilt. God knew that if Jacob continued in this way he would eventually self-destruct. So He intervened and forced Jacob to be still, to rest, and to recalibrate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had thirteen wonderful years with Angela. When I look back and ask, “Did we do enough?” God’s intervention reminds me that the question<\/em> is flawed<\/strong>. Our work isn\u2019t done yet, even though Angela\u2019s role is now very different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As writing our story forces me to articulate thoughts and emotions, God funnels them toward a future that He knows and that He has set, even if it is largely unclear to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like Jacob, I limp ahead a little slower than before. Also like Jacob, each step reminds me that God met me on my journey and remains with me<\/em><\/strong> as it continues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wrestling with God Transforms Us<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

God loves us so much that He meets us in any situation. At the same time, His love for us is too great to leave us as He finds us. He comes to us to change us, to conform us more to His image.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob experienced a physical change and<\/em> a name change. It was in this meeting that God renamed him Israel. This is where his story changed from the story of a swindler whose past caught up with him to the story of the father of a nation through which God will transform the world with His saving grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Two
Image Credit Lance Grandahl via Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My future is still much unknown. I still need to face major decisions and questions that, as of now, I don’t know how to answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet I also know that God walks alongside me, and I take each step knowing this truth. I know my next couple of steps, and I trust that God will give me more when I need them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Encouragement for Your Struggle<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In closing, I’d like to share an excerpt from my Advent devotional, Preparing for Jesus<\/a><\/em>. On the day five entry, we contemplate this scene from Jacob’s life. Below are the reflection questions and prayer prompts from that entry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

REFLECT:<\/em> Think about seasons of difficulty that you\u2019ve endured. Perhaps you\u2019re in such a season now. How did God show himself to you in those times? How does His presence in past difficulty change how you approach your present struggle or prepare for the next one?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

PRAY:<\/em> Thank God for the ways that He has car\u00adried you through difficult seasons. If you\u2019re feeling weighed down now, invite Him to join your struggle and bear your burdens for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the second time this year, I\u2019ve gone more than a month without posting a new blog entry. I’d like to tell you that my silence is because I’ve been busy finishing my next book. That is partly true. I\u2019ve exceeded my original 40,000-word target. I’ve even added its projected release to the book page on my website and started recruiting beta readers at local events. So there are definite signs of forward progress. Yet, I still have almost 7500 words to go before I mark the first draft complete (the book grew during drafting). Most of this growth comes from the track that tells Angela’s and my story. I simply didn’t expect to have so much to write (though some will get trimmed in revision). I also didn’t expect to remember so many details along the way. But the details were relevant\u2014and often fun\u2014to recall \u2026 \u2026 until I reached the final length of that track, detailing the final season of Angela’s life. From there, I jumped to the final track, which begins with the details of Angela’s last day in this life. These memories are much more difficult to write about. Not just because of the pain, but because this transition brings into focus what writing this book means for me. This book is where my past meets my future. We all have transitional seasons and events in our lives, and they are often filled with struggles. This is the toughest such season I\u2019ve faced. So I\u2019ve been spending time with one of the best-known personal transition moments in the Bible. Jacob’s Back Story Before we jump into the action, let\u2019s recap Jacob’s story thus far. For the sake of brevity, I\u2019ll leave out the details. If you would like to read them yourself, Jacob\u2019s story begins in Genesis 25, and we\u2019ll pick up in a moment with the events of chapter 32. Jacob was the younger twin brother of Esau. Esau, as the firstborn, was the presumed heir to Isaac, which included not only Isaac’s estate but God’s covenant promise to Isaac’s father, Abraham. Jacob (with help from his mother) devised a plan to extort Esau of his birthright (inheritance). After this, Jacob deceived his father into giving Jacob his blessing in place of Esau. Jacob fled and took refuge among his mother’s family. His uncle Laban’s daughter, Rachel, caught his eye, and Jacob worked for Laban for seven years in exchange for his daughter’s hand in marriage. When the wedding day arrived, Laban arranged for his oldest daughter, Leah, to marry Jacob\u2014but Jacob had his heart set on Rachel.  Laban agreed to allow Jacob to marry Rachel as well\u2014in exchange for another seven years of labor. In the years that followed, Jacob managed Laban’s flocks. Through selective breeding, he successfully grew himself a sizeable flock that eventually eclipsed Laban’s, much to Laban’s dismay. At this point, Jacob fled from Laban. Once again, Jacob was on the run, this time preparing for a reunion with the older brother he hadn’t seen in over twenty years. During Jacob’s flight, Laban caught up to him, but not with retribution in mind. He wanted to send his daughters and grandchildren (and yes, his son-in-law) off with a proper farewell and blessing. Where the Future Confronts the Past Jacob carried on, sending messengers and gifts ahead to Esau. He hoped doing so would assuage his brother’s anger and win his favor. Jacob feared he wouldn’t be as fortunate when confronting Esau as he was with Laban. Then things really got interesting: So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob\u2019s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, \u201cLet me go, for it is daybreak.\u201d But Jacob replied, \u201cI will not let you go unless you bless me.\u201d The man asked him, \u201cWhat is your name?\u201d \u201cJacob,\u201d he answered. Then the man said, \u201cYour name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.\u201d Jacob said, \u201cPlease tell me your name.\u201d But he replied, \u201cWhy do you ask my name?\u201d Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, \u201cIt is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.\u201d The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. – Genesis 32:24-31 (NIV) Whatever confrontation Jacob was expecting, it wasn’t this one. We don’t know where this mystery opponent came from, and we don’t have a play-by-play account of their marathon wrestling match. But we do know that this was the Lord himself intervening for Jacob at just the right time in just the right way. Post-Match Analysis Jacob’s encounter with God reveals some important truths about our own struggles and the way God shows up in the midst of them. God Meets Us Where We Are Perhaps this is the single most important thing for us to understand from Jacob’s story. God showed up. He didn’t wait for Jacob to make amends with his brother (which he did shortly afterward). Nor did He let Jacob work out his fear and worry on his own until he finally arrived at an \u201caha\u201d moment. No, God stepped into Jacob\u2019s mental and emotional upheaval and met him there. As I write about my thirteen years of marriage, I question if we accomplished all that God had set out for us to do. I wonder how much I’m getting right in this season. And I look with at least some degree of worry to an uncertain future. I wrestle with these thoughts, and God wrestles with me, because He has chosen to be present with me\u2014and for me\u2014in this season. Wrestling Requires Proximity Wrestling is the ultimate contact sport. It is impossible to wrestle someone from a distance, or even at arm\u2019s length. You have to get as close as possible to wrestle properly. What image does this bring to mind? Do you envision a musclebound monster bear-hugging the breath out of a hapless opponent? Or do you picture a father tumbling around on the living room carpet with his children? In that latter scenario, Dad is acting out of affection, not malice or even competitiveness. The children know this, and even as Dad uses his unmatched power to shrug them off, they jump right back in for another tumble. The kids might be a little tired when they’ve finally had enough (which was Dad’s plan all along). Then, they get to sit down and enjoy some rest\u2014curled up snug against Dad on the couch. On those days when a tough slog of writing beats me up or a painful memory reopens a wound, I know I can struggle with these things and God is not aloof on the couch, but down on the carpet with me. Even better, I know that after the struggle I can collapse against Him for a bit of rest. Because that is who He is. God Brings Mercy \u2026 In amateur wrestling, everyone competes in a designated weight class. This way, the matches can be a true contest of skill, without one contestant having a size advantage over another. Who among us is in God’s “weight class?” He is infinite and we are not. You and I are going to be outmatched every time. Just like Jacob. Yet, verse 25 tells us “the man [God] saw that he could not overpower him [Jacob].” Surely, God, who created and sustains all things, can overpower Jacob. Why didn’t He? Because God is not there to win. He is already the forever and eternal winner and can never be anything less. Instead, He wrestles with us to lead us to victory. He spent the whole night wrestling with Jacob\u2014to a draw. As I picture this match, I envision Jacob going all-in on the offensive. Trying every hold, throw, and maneuver he can think of. Meanwhile, God casually does just enough to foil Jacob’s attack. Why do I picture the match like this? Because that’s how my wrestling matches with God play out. I come to God with confusion, anger, pain, worry, and questions\u2014so many questions. And He sits there and takes it. He absorbs every bit of it. And He still stands, steadfast and strong as ever. \u2026 but Mercy Sometimes Looks Strange Verse 25 continues, telling us that God “touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched.” One move\u2014one touch\u2014was all it took God to end the match. This, despite the injury to Jacob, was an act of mercy. Jacob had been energized by fear, anxiety, and perhaps guilt. God knew that if Jacob continued in this way he would eventually self-destruct. So He intervened and forced Jacob to be still, to rest, and to recalibrate. I had thirteen wonderful years with Angela. When I look back and ask, “Did we do enough?” God’s intervention reminds me that the question is flawed. Our work isn\u2019t done yet, even though Angela\u2019s role is now very different. As writing our story forces me to articulate thoughts and emotions, God funnels them toward a future that He knows and that He has set, even if it is largely unclear to me. Like Jacob, I limp ahead a little slower than before. Also like Jacob, each step reminds me that God met me on my journey and remains with me as it continues. Wrestling with God Transforms Us God loves us so much that He meets us in any situation. At the same time, His love for us is too great to leave us as He finds us. He comes to us to change us, to conform us more to His image. Jacob experienced a physical change and a name change. It was in this meeting that God renamed him Israel. This is where his story changed from the story of a swindler whose past caught up with him to the story of the father of a nation through which God will transform the world with His saving grace. My future is still much unknown. I still need to face major decisions and questions that, as of now, I don’t know how to answer. Yet I also know that God walks alongside me, and I take each step knowing this truth. I know my next couple of steps, and I trust that God will give me more when I need them. Encouragement for Your Struggle In closing, I’d like to share an excerpt from my Advent devotional, Preparing for Jesus. On the day five entry, we contemplate this scene from Jacob’s life. Below are the reflection questions and prayer prompts from that entry. REFLECT: Think about seasons of difficulty that you\u2019ve endured. Perhaps you\u2019re in such a season now. How did God show himself to you in those times? How does His presence in past difficulty change how you approach your present struggle or prepare for the next one? PRAY: Thank God for the ways that He has car\u00adried you through difficult seasons. If you\u2019re feeling weighed down now, invite Him to join your struggle and bear your burdens for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,8,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-devotional","category-people-of-the-bible","category-writing-life"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=224"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":230,"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions\/230"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jacfiler.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}