A New Book on the Horizon

This is an exciting time, full of anticipation. The Widower and the Washer is getting closer to its summer release. After multiple rounds of revision, editing, and proofreading, I’ve entered the phase where we work out details, make adjustments to the interior design, and get all of the technical stuff in order.

If you follow my social media, you may have seen the official reveal of the front cover this week. (And if you don’t follow me on social media … maybe, you should.) For those of you who don’t use social media, here’s (another) first look at the cover.

A finished cover is perhaps the most visible signpost that publication is not far off. This is the time when feelings of anticipation begin to ramp up.

The Excitement of Launching a New Book

The more I interact with other writers, the more I understand the excitement of a new book release to be a universal trait. This doesn’t apply only to each writer’s first book, but to all the books.

Of course, this is consistent with other causes for celebration. When you welcome a child, start a new job, or adopt a puppy, it’s exciting, whether or not you have done this before. Sometimes, having had similar experiences even compounds the excitement. Older children can look forward to a new sibling. The new job often comes with better compensation and opportunities than the previous job.

I’m discovering that, as a writer, my excitement magnifies with each new book. In 2022, I released a small Advent devotional, Preparing for Jesus. I was excited because it was my first book. With that release, I became a published author!

The following year, I released my first novel, Coin and Dagger. I was even more excited because it was a much bigger book—a whopping 102,000-word novel. With that release, I accomplished a lifelong dream. I wasn’t just an author, now I was a novelist too.

This summer, I will share a completely different kind of book with the world when I release my memoir, The Widower and the Washer. Again, I find my excitement magnified. Although it is not quite half the size of its predecessor, it is the most important and impactful book I’ve written. I’m beginning to understand that God called me to write specifically so I could produce this book.

So I have good reasons to be excited about sharing my new book with the world. There is just one small problem.

I wish this book did not exist.

Tempering My Excitement

If you follow my blog (or know me personally, as I’m sure most of my followers do), then you know that this book is born from the most difficult experience of my life: the loss of my wife Angela.

For that reason, I suspect anyone in my circumstances would say the same thing. I wish I had another story—any other story at all—to tell. I even find myself tempering my excitement as I talk to others about my forthcoming book.

But should I?

Wrestling with Conflicting Feelings

Where does this internal tension come from? Losing Angela was heart-wrenching. Does excitement about sharing our story make my loss less tragic? I don’t think so. Does celebrating a new book somehow diminish her memory? Quite the opposite—this book preserves her memory.

I don’t think I would describe my internal conflict as guilt, since I wrote this book as an act of obedience to God’s instruction. Perhaps I worry that if people see my excitement, I might somehow come across as numb or indifferent to losing Angela.

Nothing could be further from the truth. I wake up every day missing my wife, and I revisit this acknowledgement dozens more times throughout each day. So, how do I reconcile the fact that I continuously miss my wife with the excitement about sharing her story with the world?

I lean on the words of a wise writer who simply called himself the Teacher.

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)

This passage is helpful because it allows me to put each sentiment in its place. All the laughing and crying, mourning and dancing, each has its own assigned box. Throughout life, we will spend seasons with each box.

Making Sense of the Seasons

The trouble with using this passage as a tool for compartmentalization is that we don’t control the seasons, and they don’t change neatly and predictably. We still have to live in a world where our environment, our relationships, and our circumstances all work together to shape the seasons of our lives. I can’t just come to Ecclesiastes, open the “laugh” box, and set off for a good season.

For me, my INTP brain further compounds the matter because after I compartmentalize, I want to connect all the boxes and understand how they affect and interact with each other. (Readers who are familiar with Myers-Briggs are collectively saying, “That explains it.”)

A Quick Aside about Personality Types

For readers who aren’t familiar with the INTP reference above, here’s a quick primer. We’re sometimes described as “logicians,” always thinking through things with a great deal of abstraction. We might present as emotionless, but we’re not. We’re simply absorbing data and continuously connecting the dots in our heads.

That’s how my brain works, and that brings me back to this passage from Ecclesiastes.

Overlapping Seasons

I live in a part of the country where it is common to experience three “seasons” in one day. Don’t like the weather? Just wait an hour; it will change. Actually, I’ve heard this not only about Pennsylvania weather, but also Colorado, Tennessee, and more. So I expect that most readers can relate to unpredictable weather.

Similarly, the seasons that the Teacher outlines in the verses above can and do overlap and even coexist. Like rain and sunshine at the same time. This gives me a great deal of encouragement and comfort.

My Summer Forecast

In the coming weeks and months, I hope you see my excitement. Not just because I’m launching a new book, but because I am launching this book. Angela was a gift and a blessing to me, and I am excited to proclaim her beauty and uniqueness in a way that makes her a gift to the world.

Still, my excitement about this book, even when on full display, will always be tied to a season of mourning. Some days it is obvious, like sun rays peeking through the clouds. Other days, a squall might pop up out of nowhere, or a rain cloud might threaten before following a different course.

As I spend time with the Teacher and his words, I understand more and more that that’s ok. Our God is Lord in all seasons, and Lord of all seasons. He’s given me a story that includes plenty of weeping and plenty of laughing, and sometimes not a very clear line between the two.

More importantly, He’s given me this story so that I may share it with others. With you. And I pray that when The Widower and the Washer reaches readers in the near future, He will use it for His purpose and His glory.